Description of a Mistress

The attributes of a responsible Mistress are the complement to the qualities of a sensual, reasonable and desirable Sub. A good Mistress has demands and boundaries and she understands she must make them clear. She knows and respects the boundaries set by her Sub and treats him with the dignity he deserves.She is creative, brings her own fantasies to the table and plays her part with enthusiasm. The Mistress masters her gear and abides by all safety measures, knowing when to listen to him and when to keep him at attention with one glance. She wraps him up in her protective aura and makes him feel safe and cared for. She firmly controls both him and the scene they play together as she is in full control of herself. A good Mistress does not force things on a reluctant Sub, nor does she emotionally blackmail him. She only manipulates in a positive sense of the word, and only with her Sub’s consent.

But what makes a Mistress be a good Mistress? Some say it is the knowing spark in her eye, others that it is the raw erotic force she emanates, while some others believe that a good Mistress only needs her two hands to overcome someone, or otherwise that the most important attributes are sensitivity and devoted care. I think those, and many others, are quite true.

The inside Self of the Mistress essentially possesses the same qualities as her everyday self. She is the same person as before, and if in her daily life she is sensitive and caring by day, the same qualities will come into play on her darker side, too. A certain amount of inner peace and harmony, together with her dark personalities, would make a fantastic combination – a balance between the warrior woman and the poetess that both inhabit her. It is common sense that she should dispose of those so elusive qualities and be intelligent. It goes without saying that the Devi-Mistress requires wicked imagination and she has to be very creative and able to quickly make decisions.She makes her Sub pay highest attention and reads his body language for any telling signs, even after they have stopped being visible.
Another good quality of a Mistress is her independence. It is particularly important that she is independent and in full control of her daily life. Only then does she have the power, the knowledge, the creativity and the capacity to transfer that quality onto the BDSM scene. She knows that she is only able to control another person if she controls herself. Therefore, independence strengthens her personality. Another important aspect is her comprehension of the scene set before her and of its potential emotional consequences. A good Mistress knows that a scene should never be played with vengeance or malice in mind, nor so as to make the Sub feel despised. Scenes cater to the pleasure and the well-being of both sides, and when they don’t work well for one of them, something must be wrong.

The Devi-Mistress is also cunning and subtle, using all the tricks of female domination to make her Sub always long for more and to please her in any conceivable way, while not giving him for even a second the feeling that he is under any obligation whatsoever to do so. One glance from her can stop or command him, make his heart beat faster for certain intervals or grant him promises of sweet rewards.

Another indispensable attribute of a good Mistress is of course her raw erotic power. It is so potent, that it exudes through her pores and envelops the Sub in its aroma. Otherwise put, her pheromone production is in full swing, and he can smell her power. Other assets towards a woman making a good Mistress are her intelligence and wicked imagination, her sound common sense, her sensitivity and dedicated care, as well as her ability to comprehend even the subtlest signs of his body language.

Being dominant gives one the possibility to explore feelings and energies that are, for the most part, completely unacceptable in the everyday world.
Cruelty, arrogance, snootiness, aloofness and the ability to dissimulate or respond abruptly – should they fit in with a particular fantasy, these are all acceptable and even desirable traits in the world of S/M roleplay. Whether one is a Dom or a Sub, having a safe place where to explore one’s dark side is a tremendously liberating experience for everyone.